It took me awhile to realize something that one of my friends pointed out within minutes. The irony of this relevation is that the person who made it was my college sweetheart's best friend. I will spend multiple chapters reflecting about Tasha, but let's pause on that for a quick second. Before Tasha, there were women around campus I became "cool" with. Most of these women were platonic friends, where there was nothing going on but pure friendship. I enjoyed these friendships because there were no strings attached or confusion. No added pressure needed. We could speak on multiple levels, hang out, study together and crack jokes. I had no issue being in the "friend zone" because it was the exact place I wanted to be, no matter how good they looked.
But for all of the other girls I liked, I always found myself in "friend-lationships." Friend-lationships are the kind of friendships that feel like relationships. It's the kind of friendship where the two of you talk to each other like you're dating. You genuinely like one another and enjoy each other's company... you're basically feeling them. You're around each other all the time and before you know it, you feel like you're in a relationship. Have you ever been in a friend-lationship? Or am I the only crazy person who thought this was a good idea?
Over and over again, I placed myself in this peculiar position: A friend-lationship. Now, don't get it twisted. I wasn't doing this with EVERY girl I showed interest in, but maybe it was 2 or 3 girls before I saw the light. At the time, I didn't see anything wrong with this because I wasn't breaking any "rule" of mine or God's rule against meeting people and establishing friendships. "Was I wrong in secretly wanting a relationship without the title?" Not really. "Did I have an issue with infatuation without even noticing it?" Yes. So, how does one fix that issue? Was I even ready to fix it?
YOU DROPPED A BOMB ON ME
So, when I was pursuing Tasha, her best friend Danielle, shared something with me. Well actually, Danielle told Tasha and Tasha told me. I believe we were in her dorm room hanging out before I had to go to work. Tasha and Danielle were roommates, but Danielle was in class at the moment. Tasha shared with me a conversation she and her girls had about my crew. Most of the stories were about my dudes and how they do their thing around campus, but it came to my surprise when my name became topic of discussion. As I previously stated, I wasn't an angel or too far removed from my crew, so I wasn't shocked that my name was brought up. However, I was floored by what was said about me.
Tasha was already laughing about it before she could even get the words out. She finally composed herself and shared with me the secret (or as the ladies say, she spilled the tea). Tasha told me that Danielle said that I was a "relationship whore." Yes, you read that correctly. A relationship whore. When I first heard this, I straight up laughed about it because I never heard that term before. It was pretty clever... kudos, Danielle! I also laughed about it because it was the truth. It was an ugly truth that I never thought about it in that way before it was brought to my attention.
I did not want to be labeled as a relationship whore around campus. Not to any of the women on the yard. Not even to my boys and especially not Tasha. I was really into her and it was bigger than the physical features. I'm naturally attracted to nice girls (women) because I'm a nice guy. Tasha was (and still is) one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. She was wholesome and I saw a future for us = dating (and possibly marriage). When Tasha dropped the bomb on me, it hit home. I definitely felt that one. I knew my days of being a relationship whore were numbered. If I wanted to be with Tasha one day, I had to change my ways. Quick, fast and in a hurry. Lord, please help me.